Stop reading now if you don’t have gauges, because these are things that only people with gauges will understand.

1. What it’s like to shove carrots in your earholes.

2. What it’s like to shove asparagus in your earholes.

3. What it’s like to shove celery in your earholes.

4. What it’s like to shove zucchini in your earholes.

5. What it’s like to shove jalapeños in your earholes.

6. What it’s like to shove parsnips in your earholes.

7. What it’s like to shove green beans in your earholes.

8. What it’s like to shove green onions in your earholes.

9. How annoying it is when people ask why you don’t shove corndogs in your earholes.

10. What it’s like to shove habaneros in your earholes.