DEAR INFERTILE ME

This post has been seen 196 times.

Image Source: Thinkstock
Image Source: Thinkstock
IMAGE SOURCE: THINKSTOCK
Seven years ago, the word “infertile” was used to describe me for the very first time. I was only 26 years old, still single, and still living under the delusion that I had all the time in the world to figure my future out.

Until the day I was told my fertility had become a now or never proposition.

In the year that followed, I pursued two rounds of IVF, banking on the hope offered to me by doctors and the sperm donor I had chosen with care. Both rounds failed, and by 27, I was broke, heartsick, and facing the painful reality that I had very few options left.

It was the most devastating time of my life. All I had ever wanted was to be a mother, and now, I wasn’t sure that dream would ever come to fruition. I felt lost and alone, convinced that I now had nothing to offer a future partner. There were times when I felt so destroyed by infertility, I honestly wasn’t sure I wanted to wake up another day.

But if I could reach across time, this is what I wish I could say to that girl today …

Dear Infertile Me,

I thought about you this morning, as my little girl leapt into my arms at daycare pickup and shouted, “You missed me!” It’s her standard greeting these days, a smile spread from cheek to cheek as she beats me to the punch.

“You missed me,” she repeats. And I can’t help but think, she has no idea how much.

You’re often on my mind during these moments of motherhood — the ones I know you once feared you’d never have. My heart breaks when I think of you, huddled in a corner of your closet, crying so hard that you couldn’t breathe. Sobbing alone, with no one in arms reach to comfort you. Living a life where it seemed as though everyone around you was getting the very thing you wanted so desperately.

Comments

comments

You might also like More from author

Show Buttons
Hide Buttons