People go through rough patches in their lives sometimes. But how can you deal with a partner who doesn’t want to do anything about it?
No longer is your partner getting up in the morning bright and early when you do. Less of their time is spent browsing job sites, and more of their time is spent in front of the TV watching Netflix. You’ve started coming home to a messy house, wondering how on earth it even got that way.
Maybe they’ve been trying to find work, and doing everything they can to stay positive and upbeat, but after every rejection, your partner has slowly started to give up.
Instead of getting mad, you continue to bite your tongue, not saying anything, because you don’t want to nag your spouse for being unemployed or being lazy. But you can’t bite your tongue forever, right?
How do motivate your partner to get up and find a job
At the cost of sounding like a nag, you eventually have to get your partner to move and start looking for work. Here’s how you can do that.
#1 Set goals. If your spouse is unemployed, it’s important that they stay motivated, even when your partner can’t find any motivation. It’s so easy to get in a slump. I mean, just think about how hard it is to motivate yourself to go to the gym when you can come up with so many excuses. One great way to handle your significant other being unemployed is to set goals together. Turn it into somewhat of a game.
For example, make it a priority for you both to make the bed together when you get up in the morning. Or have them set a goal of how many job applications they want to apply to per day. I once read somewhere that you should send out 25 introductory emails a day. Start with a less overwhelming number, like 5, then move up to ten as each day passes. With each successfully sent email, give your partner a reward like their favorite meal or even sex!
#2 Help. A few years ago, I started my journey as an entrepreneur, and would come home to find my now-fiancé perfecting his portfolio. 6 months passed and he was still “perfecting,” which is when I realized the only way he was going to come close to finding a job in his field was if I helped light a fire under his butt.
As an industrial designer, he’s a perfectionist. He didn’t understand looking for jobs before making his portfolio work perfectly perfect. This is where I came in. I am an extremely fast typer, fast reader, exceptional at proofing cover letters, and anything administrative. So I helped.
I would come home from running my errands, doing entrepreneurial things, and sit with him on the couch, browsing all the job openings we could possibly find, and basically help write every cover letter and job application he sent out.
By doing this, it made him energetic, and it made him feel more confident. It was something so simple that I had overlooked, but it made all the difference, and one month later, he did in fact, land his dream job. [Read: 8 daily reminders to keep your partner moving forward]
#3 Assign chores. If your spouse isn’t unemployed, but they are lazy, then it’s time for you to assign chores. You both should split chores around the house, and mentally know that one of you will always be in charge of taking out the trash, doing laundry, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom, etc. Or if you cook dinner, then they have to do the dishes, and vice versa.