LEARNING TO LISTEN

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Likewise , if a man does not understand how a woman is different, he can make thing worse he is trying to help. Men need to remember that women talk about problems to get close and not necessarily to get solutions.

So many times a woman just wants to share her feeling about her day, and her husband, thinking he is helping, interrupts her byoffering a steady flow of solutions to her problems. He has no idea why she isn’t pleased.

For example, Mary comes home from an exhausting day. She wants and needs to share her feelings about the day.

She says, “There is so much to do; I don’t have any time for myself.”

Tom says, “You should quit that job. You don’t have to work so hard. Find something you like to do.”

Mary says, “But I like my job. They just expect  me to change everything at a moment’s notice.”

Tom says, “Don’t listen to them. just do what you can do.”

Mary says, “I am! I can’t believe I completely forgot to call my aunt today.”

Tom says, “Don’t worry about it, she’ll understand.”

Mary says, “Do you know what she is going through? she needs me.”

Tom says, “You worry too much, that’s why you’re so unhappy.”

Mary angrily says, “I am not always unhappy. Can’t you just listen to me?”

Tom says, “I am listening”

Mary says, “why do I even bother?”

After this conversation. Mary was more frustrated than when she arrived home seeking intimacy and companionship. Tom was also frustrated and had no idea what went wrong. He wanted to help, but his problem-solving tactics didn’t work.

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