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A man falling in love  with a woman is similar to what took place when  the first man discovered the woman. Stuck in his cave and unable to find the source of his depression, he was searching the sky with his telescope. As if he had been struck by lightning, in one glorious moment his life was permanently changed. He had glimpsed through his telescope a vision he described as a awesome beauty and grace.

He had discovered the women. His body lit on fire. As he watched the women, for the first in his life he began to care about someone other than himself. From just one glimpse his life had new meaning. His depression lifted.

Men have a win/lose philosophy- I want to win, and I don’t care if you lose. As long as each men took care himself this formula worked fine. It worked for centuries, but now it needed to be changed. Giving primarily to themselves was no longer as satisfying . Being in love, they wanted the women to win as much as themselves.

In most sports today we can see an extension of this man competitive code. For example, in tennis I not only want to win but also try to make my friend lose by making it difficult for him to return my shots. I enjoy wining even though my friend loses.

Most of these man attitudes have a place in life, but this win/lose attitude becomes harmful in our adult relationship. If I seek to fullfill my own needs at the expense of my partner, we are sure to experience unhappiness, resentment, and conflict. The secret of forming a successful relationship is for both partner to win.



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